Food Diary

I have made a foolproof way to keep my calorie consumption down:

I made a food diary!!! i have a set amount of calories i have to remain under the limit of every day and i do it!!!! it's very easy for me to meet goals, or in this case stay under the goal. this is an example of a day's diary:

Food	Calories
Coffee	0
Water	0
Miso Soup	30
White Rice	104
Wakame	20
Plums	50
Diet Coke	0
Avocado	50
Omelet	140
Bite of ice cream	20
Subtotal	414
Workout	0
Total	414

So that's a thing. I also discovered the best creation of all:

Broth.

Just make it in a mug with twice the normal amount of bouillon, or just a little more if you don't like salty shtuff, and heat it up!!! i also add chili powder because i like a little spice and it speeds up your metabolism. ^.^ I weighed myself and my weight went from 125.6 to 121.8. I weighed myself at the end of the day, so it's probably even lower than that!!!

But i didn't lose it in the week. My ana tendencies started coming back 10 days ago. I've just been blogging again for......i dunno. Less than 10 days.

well, i need to do homework. and work out.

bye bye

I am SO on track right now. I feel thinner already.

I'm DOING IT!!!! Yesterday i had some oatmeal, iceberg lettuce for lunch, and a teeny bit of spaghetti for dinner with some low fat, low calorie ice cream for dessert..
Total: 550 Calories all flippin day
That is amazing!!! Maybe the ice cream was a bit unnecessary, but i feel that if i let myself have a little bit of something good a day, the cravings don't snowball and turn me into an eating machine. 120 calories in ice cream is NOT A LOT. Definitely more that i should have, but it's either that or i binge on 500 calories.

Hmmmm.....sounds better, doesn't it?

I'm also finally drinking proper amounts of water. 2 liters per day. Yup.

And i NEED caffeine. My school is a college prep semi-private high school that assigns ungodly amounts of homework per night. I am up until at least 1 am, and then have to get up early (bout 6ish) to finish it before 7:45. (when i leave)
The problem is that my mom doesn't want me to drink caffeine. She will flip out if i grab a coke at school or have a cup of coffee, so i steal diet cokes from the fridge in the garage. I also get the cold nasty leftover coffee from breakfast and put it in a bottle at night for the morning. Every morning i have oatmeal that i heat in the microwave, so she isn't suspicious if she hears it. (she's still in bed) My dad couldn't care less.

So that's a thing.

Bye bye!!!

Why I Do What I Do

I want my spine to show.
I want my hipbones to be so pointy they wouldn't be allowed on an airplane.
I want my ribs to show when i stretch.
I want my collarbones to show
I want a smaller ass (that is well shaped)
I want to wear white pants and look amazing.
I want to have slender collarbones and shoulders.
I want to have a flat belly for a belly button piercing.
I want to have slim arms.
I want to look amazing in dresses.
I want to be 110 pounds or lighter and i WILL NOT STOP until i get there.

Coming back AGAIN

    I know, I know, I did it AGAIN. I just couldn't seem to concentrate on fulfilling Ana's wishes. She only has good intentions, you know. All she wants is to make me thin and lovely, and that's all i want too. Ok, i am SORRY for being gone so long, and i am SORRY for being such a worthless fat MEH. That is what i am. a MEH. it's not an acronym for anything, just a noise to express distaste and dissatisfaction.
    I have such a strange way of looking at Ana. I don't obsess or have panic attacks when confronted with food. I don't think about losing weight constantly, and i certainly don't purge...because i never have to. The way that i think is based on problem solving: What is the problem? Can I solve the problem? Yes? DO IT!!! and that's all there is to it. I know that i want and HAVE to lose weight, so i let Ana into my life. I restrict. I exercise. I drink my weight in water. I use caffeine as a laxative+energy burner. I do whatever it takes. That's all there is to it. I lie and steal and sneak, but i don't feel guilty about it. I'm numb by now. My behavior doesn't surprise me anymore.
   I'll have a few tips up by tonight. Feel free to use them and add to the list!!! :D

Bye!!!

(p.s I need a catch phrase. Something to write at the end of every post. hmmmm.....)

I'm a terrible person....but this situation is awesome

I will be staying in a hotel in san antonio for the entire week. yes, it will probably be boring. but do you know what hotels mean? no access to a pantry or refrigerator or freezer...yeah hotel rooms have that little thingy full of snacks but they're SUPER expensive. i REFUSE to spend $20 on a binge. i don't care how much i want it. haha i don't even have $10 to my name right now as it is. :P AND i will have complete access to a free gym. i've been working out it my bedroom and jogging at the elementary school's itty bitty track, so being able to use an elliptical and a staircase machine and weights....it's my own sick, twisted dream come true!

and now i will tell you why i am staying there. my grandpa fell a few days ago at work, and being elderly, he went to the hospital to make sure that everything was okay. everything was...except for a shadow on his x-ray. in his head.

now it could be nothing, but it could also be something. im not religious, so i can't pray without feeling guilty. this is terrible. the most i can do is remind myself that doctors make mistakes with diagnosing things all the time, and that it could've just been a smudge on the x-ray machine.....oh god i'm worried.

i'm not going to post about my weight today, i haven't weighed myself lately.

i can't even pray..........

Jogging

i finally broke down and realized that if i only work out once a day, i'm not getting anywhere. i have gotten down to 121.2, but that's not good enough. so, today i got up at 7:00 (my usual morning beginning around 11:00) and went to the park and jogged.

it didn't take me long to realize that i couldn't just jump right into jogging, so i walked half the track, and slowly jogged the rest of it. it starts off the day nicely, i realized, and gets my metabolism going.

but tomorrow when i do it, i have to bring a banana or something. it made me sick to my stomach because i ran on an empty stomach. a banana is only 80 calories and has potassium helps repair muscles; important when you exercise a lot.

but i need to get the proper shoes for it. i used a pair of converse (low tops) the last time i tried to jog, but they hurt my ankles. this time i used a pair of my mom's old running shoes, but they were too big and i had to wear three pairs of socks. that worked, but i looked silly with size 8 shoes when i needed a size 6.

i also need a bathroom scale. i snuck into my parents' bathroom today to weigh myself, (they were still sleeping), and it wound up working out alright but i don't want to play ninja every morning. just a cheap, $10 digital scale from walmart will work just fine.

today's food:
plum
string cheese
water
raspberry hibiscus tea (right now, delicious!) :D

pretty good! :D

stay skinny!

binge day

i find it easier to have a set binge day. that way i don't overeat constantly because i know that when friday comes, i can eat whatever i want. and you know what? i never want to eat much anyway. a couple spoons of peanut butter and i feel sick. i do looooove ramen and milkshakes but i eat them towards the end of the day. i don't exercise either. i don't weigh myself during the weekend because of my friday binge, (makes me bloated and makes more...ahem....poop), and toady's weigh-in was 122lbs. (55.1 kg)

that's 2.8 pounds for the whole week! :D


as i said before, i will post pictures when i hit 120